Konspirators
Watts
Title: MASTER BLASTER
Rides: Mostly junk miles. Mostly.
Eats: The Rich
Drinks: Two heart healthy bottles of wine a night.
Says: “(sighs dramatically)”
Likes: Ed Abbey. Bags on bikes. Gravel. That one girl.
Dislikes: Suffocating routine. Suburban ennui. Gravel. That one guy.
Darlene
Title: CHIEF TECHNICAL ADVISOR
Rides: Circles around you kids.
Eats: Whatever it is, the whole shop smells like it now.
Drinks: Fireball!
Says: “Y'all ain't right. ”
Likes: Christmas lights. Fire pits. Choir practice. When Watts turns off his Devil Music.
Dislikes: Gluing tubulars. Spiders living in bikes. Watts' Devil Music.
Xtian
Title: 2015 GREENWAY CHAMPION
Rides: A fine line.
Eats: Tendies.
Drinks: There’s a drink called the “Christian” at a local dive bar.
Says: “The shop I worked at in Portland/Seattle/California…”
Like: Sleeveless Tees. Conspiracy podcasts.. Cats. Pew pew.
Dislikes: Sleeveless cycling jerseys. Salty bar tape. Marginally worn out chains. Haters.
Pawl
Title: THE GREENSBORO SEVEN
Rides: With a blue-tooth speaker (smh)
Eats: Also tendies.
Drinks: Probably White Claws (smh)
Says: “I can’t work this Saturday.”
Likes: Techno. Free things. Working harder, not smarter. Paul Facts™.
Dislikes: Mitch McConnell. Ayn Rand. Self-reflection.
Javier
Title: ARTIST IN RESIDENCY
Rides: A red bike.
Eats: Currently? Italian Sailors from the Deli.
Drinks: Enough water.
Says: “Heard.”
Likes: Trains.
Dislikes: Not trains.
Mango
Title: SUPERFREAK
Rides: Watts’ pillow when he’s at work, according to evidence.
Eats: Chow. Panties. Whatever you just dropped, food or not.
Drinks: Water… out of an unflushed toilet!
Says: Very bad things.
Likes: Licking feet. Licking knees. Eating panties. Barking incessantly at literally nothing.
Dislikes: That little dog across the street. That other dog too. Pretty much all dogs. And squirrels. Oh, also people.
Muad'Dib
Title: KWISATZ HADERACH
Rides: Giant Sandworms
Eats: Spice
Drinks: The water of life.
Says: “Long live the fighters!”
Likes: Fremen
Dislikes: Harkonnen