Konspirators
Watts
Title: MASTER BLASTER
Rides: Mostly junk miles. Mostly.
Eats: The Rich
Drinks: Two heart healthy bottles of wine a night.
Says: “(sighs dramatically)”
Likes: Ed Abbey. Bags on bikes. Gravel. That one girl.
Dislikes: Suffocating routine. Suburban ennui. Gravel. That one guy.
Darlene
Title: DARLENE
Rides: The smaller bikes.
Eats: Whatever it is, the whole shop smells like it now.
Drinks: Fireball!
Says: “Y'all ain't right.”
Likes: Christmas lights. Fire pits. Choir practice. When Watts turns off his Devil Music.
Dislikes: Gluing tubulars. Spiders living in bikes. Watts' Devil Music.
Xtian
Title: 2015 GREENWAY CHAMPION
Rides: He will, but first he needs to rewrap the handlebars or swap tires or something.
Eats: Tendies.
Drinks: The Kool Aid.
Says: “The shop I worked at in Portland/Seattle/California…”
Like: Sleeveless Tees. Conspiracy podcasts. Cats. Pew pew.
Dislikes: Sleeveless cycling jerseys. Marginally worn out chains. Whatever the hell this is you've done to your bike.
Dar'thy
Title: THE LASS
Rides: With her eyes closed.
Eats: Haggis. Bangers. Neeps. Tatties. Mince Pies.
Drinks: Tennets.
Says: Hiya.
Likes: Cooking. Baking. Sweating. Swearing. The Pennine Way. All forms of potato.
Dislikes: This shite.
Mango
Title: SUPERFREAK
Rides: Watts’ pillow when he’s at work (according to evidence).
Eats: Kibble. Panties. Oatmeal.
Drinks: Whatever you just left unattended for like... two whole seconds.
Says: "Grrrr." All the time. "Grrrr."
Likes: Oatmeal. Licking feet. Licking knees. Eating panties. Barking incessantly at literally nothing.
Dislikes: Everything except oatmeal. And panties. And sleep. And feet.
Muad'Dib
Title: KWISATZ HADERACH
Rides: Giant Sandworms
Eats: Spice
Drinks: The water of life.
Says: “Long live the fighters!”
Likes: Fremen
Dislikes: Harkonnen